For the Ladies: Advice from the DSO

A different little spin on things… some general relationship advice from me to the ladies.

1. Empathize more. It’s not always about you. Put yourself in his shoes. For those of you saying “Well yeah, duh!”… you’d be surprised how many women just flat out do not know how to empathize with the day-to-day life of their man. They get caught up in kids, work, the house, etc.. they don’t stop to say “I wonder what my man is feeling now…” This was illustrated perfectly by an article that recently went viral:

http://thebluntblonde.com/working-husband-makes-feel-lonely-do-his-laundry/

face palmSummary: Wife is resentful and pouting that she never gets to see her hubby. Then she does the laundry and notices that he has clothes worn from hard work. “OMG… he works for our family! Maybe I should be nice to him!?” Millions of women read this and said “Huh… I guess he does work hard for US. Whoa. I never thought of it like that.” The same number of men face-palmed so hard they got a concussion.

Ladies… your man loves you and respects you, otherwise he wouldn’t work so hard FOR you and the family. It’s not rocket science.

2. Realize that he has a libido you can’t comprehend. Big assumption I’m making here: he’s a healthy male. horny manHormones in line like they should be. He’s in shape. Sorta. If so… he’s beyond horny.

YES, HE WANTS TO FUCK OTHER WOMEN. A LOT OF THEM. ALL THE TIME. That drive is always there.

NO, THIS DOESN’T MEAN HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU OR WILL BE UNFAITHFUL TO YOU.

YES, HE PROBABLY LOOKS AT PORN.

NO, THIS DOESN’T MEAN HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU OR HAS NO INTEREST IN YOU, SEXUALLY.

Embrace his sexual drive. Use it to your advantage. Play with him. Tease him. Remind him what an awesome thing he has at home. Remind him how much he turns you on.

Is he attractive? In good shape? Nice personality? Women are flirting with him. So what? You are the prize. Keep yourself in shape, keep yourself sexy, realize he’s a male human… love him for it.

Novel idea time: You know how when you are out at the mall with your man and you notice he’s eyeballing some young girl’s butt? What do you do? Elbow him and tell him to knock it off? Get angry and call him a perv? Remind him that’s he’s older than her and that’s creepy? How about saying this instead: “Oh, she is sexy. I can see why you’re looking. I like her. Maybe a little too skinny… but I’d do her for sure.”  If you did this you would go from typical wife to BEST WIFE ON THE PLANET.

Men look at women ALL the time. It’s no different than looking at the pretty sunset. You just HAVE to look. So why not take that innocuous moment and flip it and show him that you’re not threatened, you’re secure in your sexuality and remind him of just how lucky he is to have a woman like you as his wife/girlfriend? Remember, even if you elbow him, shame him, or get angry at him… he’s still going to look. In fact, he’ll probably look next time with an additional thought in his mind: “OMG… that chick is hot. Not like my wife. My wife is a bitch.” Instead turn that into “OMG… that chick is hot. But she’s not my wife. God damn I’m lucky.”

If you are shaming your man or trying to keep his sexual urges focused SOLELY on you, you are accomplishing the opposite. You are playing an unrealistic game with a very predictable outcome. You will just knock yourselves down a few dozen notches on the attraction scale and everyone else will be further above you. Bad move, sister.

3. Stop putting yourself down. “I feel fat. I’m gross. Ugh… I hate my belly. God… look at these thighs.” Fucking stop it already. What do you want? Sympathy? Want us to lie and say “What?! Belly?! It’s as flat as can be! You have a six pack!” Yeah, we probably notice your body change, too. Our bodies aren’t perfect, either. We get it. We’re human. We don’t want perfection. We also don’t want to hear you bitch and draw attention to your faults. At the most, we want to hear “I need to watch what I eat and go workout tonight.. gotta keep sexy for my man.” When we start to hear repeated references to your faults, we will eventually either just agree with you or say “So, shut up and do something about it already.” It’s like your husband repeatedly coming home and complaining about his job. Shut up and get a new job or make the best out of what you have.

4. Don’t let your job define you. We don’t care about your career. We really don’t. I mean.. We will certainly be interested in and learn all we can about your job, as your partner in life… We’re not total assholes about it… but it has zero bearing on our attraction and intimate bond with you. You could quit and be a stay-at-home mom and we’d still think you’re every bit as awesome and sexy (please note: that would mean a big decrease in take-home pay, which would mean you would have to cut down on your spending… yeah, didn’t think you’d go for that).

Don’t think taking that promotion will help out the marriage. You’re thinking with woman feelings. We know that us men getting pay raises and more responsibility makes us more attractive to you. We get it. It doesn’t work that way in the other direction.

I just recently met a couple. Both attractive. He in his 40’s, her in her 20’s. He was divorced. His wife divorced him because she made more than him and couldn’t respect him… and that filtered down into everything about their relationship. He has been with his current girlfriend for 3 years and says that he will never be with a woman his age or a woman that has a career ever again. Now, my knee-jerk socially aware and sympathetic response would be to say “What?! But you’re missing out on a lot of potentially good women out there!” But… in reality… I get it. I’m with my woman not because of her career, but in spite of her career. She’s with me not because I’m older and bald, but in spite of that. That’s okay.. that’s human nature.

We look at you as a feminine, sexy and wonderful oasis away from our hard and stressful lives. We love your smile. Your playfulness. Your beauty. Your sexy ways. Being VP of Sales puts you on the level of our friend Bob. We don’t want to fuck Bob.  It’s not that we’re THREATENED by your success (I always cringe reading that)… it’s just that it does nothing for us. It just adds stress to your life, takes you further away from the “oasis” we want, and makes you more like, well… Bob. Yuck.

So, go for that job! Seriously… if it fills a void, go for it. If you like the challenge, awesome. Do it, sister! But don’t think we get anything out of it. We don’t. We just ask that you keep what made us fall in love with you.