GET THROUGH YOUR RUT AND BECOME A BETTER MAN. 

settings
TRY DSO COACHING
Dear DSO: "I Was a Porn Addict."

Dear DSO:

My wife and I have a good relationship after 15 years of marriage, demanding careers, and two kids.  We are both professionals and a business together.  A few years ago, I noticed her rolling over more at night.  We would have sex once a week on average, but I noticed her complaining during the act at times.  She seemed to be in pain, or she was too exhausted to climax 50% of the time.  "I don't know what's wrong with me" and "I just think too much" were common statements in our bedroom.  This made sex less and less appealing for me, so I knew it was worse for her.  I began doubting myself and my manhood.  The dead bedroom was soon to follow.

I came across your audio book by happenstance two months ago and decided to give it a listen during my work commute.  Your advice hit me like a ton of bricks.  You nailed every aspect of my life with detail.  My wife didn't belittle me, but I was being passive in many aspects of our marriage.  I concentrated on being a good dad and provider, but totally forgot about being a good lover.  I was guilty of 4 of the 5 mistakes you listed in your book.  The only mistake I didn't make was talking about the problem.  I did that many years ago after baby #1 arrived.  "The talk" totally doused the sex flames for months.  I vowed I would never do that again.  

You mentioned my biggest flaw in your book: Porn Addiction.  I have been addicted to porn since I was a teen (I'm now in my 40s).  I have kept it a secret for 30 years and I instantly recognized the addiction problem when you specifically mentioned it in your book.  Porn was the first thing I changed, cold turkey.  I had no idea how impactful that problem was for my manhood.  NO IDEA.  I used to think, "all guys are addicts" and "its normal."  It’s not normal and it’s extremely harmful, especially for married men.  Ending that addiction helped me concentrate, focus, and increased my problem-solving instantly.  I had more energy and stamina than I knew what to do with.

I used that newfound energy and took it to the gym.  I NEEDED the gym to conquer my addiction.  I’ve always worked out 2-3 times a week, but I took it to the next level.  I started hitting weights much harder and didn’t concentrate on cardio as much.  I spent at least an hour at the gym instead of the routine 20-30 minutes.  I started updating my wardrobe and dressed better.  I was happier and more confident in every task I attempted.  I didn't bitch about anything.  I just did it without looking for approval.  My wife noticed within 48 hours of these changes.  When she asked what was going on, I would just answer “I’m concentrating on me” and would try to blow it off softly.  She ended up breaking down less than two weeks later and thought I was going to have an affair.   It was at that time I told her about my addiction and how I stopped.  I told her about all of the mistakes I was making, and now I’m doing XYZ to improve ME, not her.  That conversation lasted about an hour.  She was in tears at the end and I immediately took her into my arms and gave her a massive hug and kissed her like I never have.  We proceeded to have some of the best sex of our lives that night.  No holds barred.  Unbelievable.

I now work out 5-6 times a week and I’ve developed a physique I’ve never had before.  My wife has found a new joy of the gym as well.  We have sex 4-5 times a week now.  It’s not just the number, it’s the quality.  We have GREAT sex 5 times a week now.  Our sex life has never been better.  If she is tired, I don’t show disdain like I used to.  We just cuddle and go to sleep.  To be honest, I need the sleep now as well.  Little things are common place that never happened before.  She gives me "the look" often now.  We flirt in text, we kiss deeply during the day in public and even in front of the kiddos, we have afternoon sex sessions, we role play.  I've noticed suggestive glances from other ladies and my wife has noticed as well.  My wife is more open about her body and what she likes.  She feeds off of my energy and releases it in the same way.  We fight less.  I cuss more (when appropriate) and I'm more forceful in my tone.  No more Mr. Amicable.  Another funny thing happened: I became a better dad as well.  All of the things that I did well in the past got better.  The human mind is a crazy complex creation.  1+1 doesn't always equal 2.  I am on a natural high that I know how to maintain now.  No more ups and downs.  No more complaining about this and that.  Suck it up and just do it because it needs to get done.

Thank you DSO for writing your book.  I wish you every bit of happiness in your own life.  I see so many men around me that are in similar situations and I recommend your book to them when I think it may help.  I am deeply grateful for finding your book before things got worse.  Feel free to share my experience with others.  Thank you again!

Richard

Want to become a DSO partner? Click here to lean more

[bot_catcher]