Dear DSO: “What about menopause?”

Dear DSO,

Hey there! Definitely enjoyed reading your book (The Dead Bedroom Fix). Never read that much and I finished it in a day. Definitely related to the book in lots of the situations. One question I do have for you… Have you come across or spoken to anyone with women actively going through menopause? I’m in my mid-thirties and married a cougar. She’s got me by 10 years. Flame has dwindled 2-4x a month. Kinda crappy. But hey when we do it’s still a good time, both are equally involved and it’s enjoyable for both parties. Trying to navigate these hormonal waters are tough. Thanks for the good read.


Dear J.,

Menopause can be a real bitch to deal with for everyone involved.

There’s no doubt about it, hormones have such a huge impact on our day-to-day behavior. It’s not just women that are easily molded by the effects of hormones. I can give any man a series of shots of something like estrogen or Trenbolone (a very potent and toxic anabolic steroid) and these men will turn into completely different humans. You can think of menopause as a similar potent chemical cocktail.

For many women, menopause absolutely shuts their libido down. For some, no amount of Dead Bedroom Fix actions will turn things around. There’s just nothing there to work with. Their body has turned the page on the reproductive chapter of their life. It’s now saying to them, “Okay… time to shut down. Don’t need this whole sexual body anymore. Time to take up knitting.” For some poor women, the shift in hormones is so extreme (lack of estrogen) that their physical appearance takes on that of a man.

Again… menopause can be a real bitch. Mother nature doesn’t mess around. When your time is up, your body will let you know.

Yes, there is hope, of course… but unfortunately MANY women just flat out refuse to get help. For one thing, they’ve been led to believe that hormone replacement therapy for women is very dangerous and can often lead serious problems such as cancer. It appears now that the risk of cancer has been way overblown, and the repercussions for NOT taking hormonal treatments outranks the risks of taking it. The Economist recently had an article that you may find interesting:

Another reason many women may resist hormone therapy is that they feel pressured to do so by their man. While everyone around tells them that they are just fine the way they are, her husband is giving her information about hormonal therapy so that she can “get better” and be in a more sexual mood… to appease her husband’s needs. She sees his request as completely selfish.

Well… in a way… it is. The husband has certain needs for the relationship, and a wife’s body shutting down completely doesn’t allow him to have the loving and sexual validation that he desires.

Let’s be honest, for most men, an older woman is not the pinnacle of attractiveness. You love her and desire her, but as she turns into an “old lady”, she veers farther from the path of your ideal mate. When we look at the anonymous data of online dating and pornography, we see that youthful women reign supreme. No matter what the man’s age is, he prefers the youth of a woman in her 20’s to that of a woman that is more in his “acceptable” age range. So… when your woman’s body says, “My reproductive time has come to an end and I am no longer a sexual being”… we naturally want to change it and fix it. We want the young her back again. Or, we start wandering off the marriage path. We all know the older-but-attractive guy who runs off with the younger and prettier secretary.

Your wife may not want the same thing. Nor does she have to want it. It’s her body. If she chooses to grow old gracefully and enter the “grandma” chapter of her life, more power to her. You don’t have to jump to her chapter in her book. You can stay behind in the chapter titled “I’m still a sexual man with needs.” No matter what anyone may tell you, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Good luck, my friend!


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