MEN: ARE YOU IN A DEAD BEDROOM? DIVORCED AND DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT NIGHTMARE AGAIN?
YOU’RE NOT ALONE
THERE ARE A LOT OF MEN OUT THERE NOT HAPPY WITH THE LEVEL OF INTIMACY IN THEIR MARRIAGE.
What is going on? Is the tried-and-true stereotype of the frustrated husband and the cold, bossy wife inevitable? Are monogamous relationships doomed to such a pitiful state? Is that just the way marriage is supposed to be?
I DON’T THINK SO.
To make a long story short, several years ago I was married for 15 years, found out that my wife was cheating, quickly divorced, and found myself newly single and sharing custody of three little kids. I then started a website at dadstartingover.com. After chatting with many men in my situation, I slowly started to notice patterns of behavior. Most men experienced long “Dead Bedroom” periods in their relationship prior to their divorce. Many of these men later discovered infidelity. It’s no coincidence that the two go hand-in-hand. The wife wanted intimacy, too. Just not with her husband.
I wrote about my thoughts on Dead Bedrooms on my website and it is by far the most popular topic to date. It has outranked all other topics combined. I have since started a podcast. The Dead Bedroom episodes are the most downloaded.
Yes, it’s a popular topic.
Simply put, nobody seems to know what to do to keep the fire going in their long-term relationship. Most of us experience a “honeymoon phase” of intimacy, and then watch it quickly fade as the stress of life/kids and the boredom of familiarity settle in.
It honestly doesn’t have to be this way.
I don’t claim to have all the answers for a happy married life. What I do know is that my own experience (eight very happy and very satisfying years in my new relationship) and the experience of hundreds of other men I have interviewed have helped to create a prescription for what I feel is the only true, honest, no bullsh*t way to get your wife jumping your bones again. It works for me and for thousands of other men just like you.
I have finally put that prescription down on paper, and I call it The Dead Bedroom Fix.
My readers are fixers and they have tried everything under the sun to light a fire in their wife again. Some have already lost their marriage battle and don’t want to go down that awful road again. What they all tell me: The Dead Bedroom Fix is the best, no bullsh*t, no fluff, no nonsense guide to getting your SELF, and consequently, your love life back on track.
It just works.
NEW FOR 2020 Edition!
– Edited for better readability.
– New sections added.
– Updated Frequently Asked Questions
– New “Readers Stories” section.
– Audiobook is over one hour longer!
“Brilliant honest and very useful book!
This is (imho) a must-read for every man. Or teenager. The earlier you read it – the better off you will be. And this reading has to happen long BEFORE you get married or enter any serious relationship. I am a professional marriage counsellor and I’ve seen/read tons and tons of materials on this matter. 99% of them are total crap. This book gives you very solid foundation and warns you about all the main pitfalls. Breath of fresh air) Wonderful read, not too long. Honest, straight and to the point. Respect to the author!“
Great book and advice. It is like he was a fly on the wall in my marriage. I wish I would have been taught these principles before I got married.”
“A succinct and honest book about FIXING the problem.
This author’s philosophy reminds me of Esther Parel’s “Mating In Captivity”, but where she provides a thorough, unhelpful, academic analysis, DSO stays laser-focused on a solution. What to do about it, Step by step.
This book is brutally honest. The target audience is VERY exclusive to heterosexual men. It came uncomfortably close to mysogeny, but it never crossed the line.
“Vital reading for all married men – No exaggeration
This should be handed to every guy as he walks down the aisle after saying his vows. Required reading gentlemen. I cannot over state this.”
“Thought I was alone here
I thought my situation was unique before reading this book. But he perfectly described my problem and even laid out everything I’ve tried (and failed) to fix it. Even down to exact conversation topics. I found this book shortly after giving up hope and I’m so happy I did. My marriage isn’t on the rocks and my wife and I get along great, but our bedroom has been dead for far too long. I rather she just say “no” than roll-her eyes and sigh with an overly-exhausted, “sure”. But this book helped me see what I could do differently and stop doing the things that obviously aren’t working. I’m so glad people are talking about this problem! .”
“Yes, yes, yes
Great read, sound advice for someone who doesn’t mind doing the work. I’m in and taking all the advice.”
“Honest and to the point
Great listen! Keeps it real; no bull. You’re a man, you need to hear this.”
“Just buy this book
Don’t hesitate, it’s a short listen but every chapter is gold. It’s nice to have a laid out plan on how to fix your relationship problems. It’s alot more than just sex, this could save my marriage.”
I wish my counselor had given me advice like this. I will recommend he reads this one
“Every man needs to read this !
I didn’t realize the mistakes I was making. I swear this guy wrote this book about me. I’ve already changed a few things and already I see improvement.”
I noticed a reduction of desire and passion from my girlfriend, after 2 weeks of applying some little tweak from this book, I noticed that she was wondering what was going on with me and suddenly wanted me to take her like in our beginning. Note I already had step 1 and 2 under control before reading this book. I’m an athletic attractive guy and I’m also hard working dad. what did I change? I stopped whining and being needy. I stopped doing thing for the reward of her giving me what I needed. By doing that I noticed that she responded very well to my new behavior. I feel I’m a better man and a better partner thanks to this book.”
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Who This Book is For
Before We Get Started…
Yes, I married again.
Chapter 1: What is a Dead Bedroom?
You Are Not Alone
What Caused YOUR Dead Bedroom?
The Good News is That YOU Probably Caused This, so YOU Can Probably Fix It.
Chapter 2: The Common Mistakes
Mistake #1: Gift Giving
Mistake #2: Doing More Chores
Mistake #3: Happy Wife, Happy Life
Mistake #4: Pretend That No Other Females in the World Exist
Mistake #5: Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk
Chapter 3: “Nice Guys” Finish Last
The Five Mistakes All Have One Thing in Common
You Can’t “Nice” Your Way Into Her Pants
Stop Putting the Poor Woman on a Pedastal
Big Picture Question: Do You, Mr. Nice Guy, REALLY Want Sex From Your Wife?
Chapter 4: Be Her Lover
The Marriage Landscape Has Drastically Changed
Women Are Having Affairs Now More Than Ever
To Be a Good Husband, You Want to Be a Good Mix of Lover and Provider
Be Her Lover – Step #1: Go to the Gym
Be Her Lover – Step #2: Go Away
You Need a Mission
Be Her Lover – Step #3: Be Unique
Be Her Lover – Step #4: You Must Lead and Set The Tone of the Relationship
Get Her Away From The Kids
Should You Initiate Sex With Your Wife?
One Uncomfortable Politically-Incorrect Truth: Women Are Way More Pliable Than You Think
You Be The Leader. She Should Just Come Along for the Ride
Chapter 5: “This is Manipulation”
Chapter 6: “Holy Sh*t, It Worked”
Your “Eureka!” Moment Has Arrived
About “Pity Sex”
Don’t Get Comfortable
Chapter 7: It Didn’t Work
Frequently Asked Questions and Comments
AN EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK “THE DEAD BEDROOM FIX”:
The “Dead Bedroom” is just what it sounds like: A monogamous romantic relationship with little to no sexual activity between the two partners.
For the purposes of this book and the intended audience, we will stick with the tried and true trope of the horny husband and the cold, disinterested wife. It’s a well-known cultural meme and has been for a long, long time.
“Marriage is a lot like prison, but without the sex.” – Anonymous
“Married sex is like being awake during your own autopsy. It is root canal work without anesthetic.” – Al Goldstein
“I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.” – Barry Humphries
These stereotypes don’t just fall from the sky. The dead bedroom happens, and it happens a lot.
You’ve seen this dynamic played out again and again on television and in the movies. You see it with your friends and their relationships. You probably saw it with your parents.
You think back on your childhood and remember yourself as a little boy, sitting at the dinner table on Thanksgiving Day. Dad is cutting the turkey and says something about the “juicy breast” and gives your mom a playful smile and wink. You weren’t quite sure what was going on, but his energy made you smile and laugh.
But then… your mom’s tone changes instantly. She gives him an angry look and says, “Seriously?” as she lets out a frustrated sigh and shoves another forkful of food in her face. Dad doesn’t take it well. He pouts the rest of the day and ignores everyone while watching football. The negativity in the house was palpable.
Fast forward to now and your relationship with your wife. You come home after a long day at the office. The commute was extra annoying and you just want to put your feet up and relax… but you can’t. You immediately tend to the kids, help with dinner, take out the trash, answer some work emails, help your son with homework, play tea time with your daughter and then help put everyone to bed. Finally, after 3 bed time stories, your job is done and it is time to relax.
You plop in bed next to your wife. She’s wearing sweat pants and a stained t-shirt. Not very sexy, but you’re a man and it’s been a while since you last had any kind of sexual release (beyond your usual porn/masturbation sessions). You make your typical sexy growl sound that you think is so funny, playfully squint your eyes, smile, and move your hand to her breast. She immediately grabs your hand and pushes it away.
“Seriously? Can you just give it a rest for one night?”
She turns off the light and rolls over.
You would be mad or confused if this was a new thing. Instead, you’re just sad. This is normal in your world and has been for a while. She says, “Give it a rest for one night”, but it’s been two months since you had any kind of intimacy. She holds the master key to your sex life and the door is locked. It has been locked for way too long.
As a son, husband and father, the message is clear:
The man is a horny, out-of-control bag of testosterone that needs to be put in his place. His energy must be redirected towards the more important tasks, like providing for the family and letting his wife get much-needed rest.
The woman is the cold, bossy and domineering presence in the home. She keeps things on track and must occasionally swat away at his attempts to bring sexuality into their world. “No! Bad dog!”
When dad veers off the assigned path, he must be punished and reminded of his role as provider. Mom will not hesitate to say or do something that will emasculate him and make him feel like a pervert. It’s not about hurting his feelings. It’s about stopping his annoying and inappropriate behavior.
As a result, dad will act like a baby for a while. He’ll eventually get over it and then the process starts all over again. Rinse and repeat.
Maybe your situation isn’t THIS bad, but you ARE reading this book right now which means one thing is certain: You sure aren’t happy with your sex life. This has GOT to change and the sooner the better.
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