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Hypergamy
Written by: DSO
There’s a subset of the internet that I recognize I intersect with a bit. They call themselves the “Red Pill” community. In short, it’s a bunch of mostly younger men who have discovered that the world of relationships, girls, in particular, is NOT quite what they thought it was. It turns out that, gasp… women are kind of f’d up too, in a lot of ways. They too can be assholes! While we have always known that MEN have this quasi-animalistic set of urges and instincts (see: porn, prostitutes, etc), it turns out that WOMEN also have an underlying set of such behaviors and instincts and… here comes the shocking part… some of these instinctual behaviors are NOT VERY NICE.

This line of thinking has become so shocking to the average internet Joe, that they had to borrow from the movie “The Matrix” and liken this revelation to “taking the red pill”… Seeing life for what it REALLY is. Some of these guys are so taken aback by this revelation that they construct their entire online persona around it. They write articles and books on the subject. Endless tips and advice for how to navigate around female human nature and get into their pants. The “red pill” is, ironically, one of the most potent examples of “putting women on a pedestal” I’ve ever seen. Men are literally devoting years of their life to cracking the code and scoring chicks.

It could be argued that my popular book, The Dead Bedroom Fix, is “red pill” in nature. I’m always surprised at just how much of a shocker the content is to many men. I mean, I get it in a way… but when I came to the revelations that led to the book, it was done more in the theme of, “Sigh… here’s all the shit that I always really knew but just ignored for a variety of stupid reasons”. I’ve learned that is not necessarily the case for many of my readers. For many guys, what I outlined is as shocking as if I had announced that the aliens have arrived on Earth.

Of all the facts that myself, the red pill community, and scientists who study human behavior have revealed, there is none more shocking and controversial than the concept of “hypergamy”. To me, hypergamy is one of those “Yeah, I always knew that but didn’t quite know how to properly define it” kinds of things. To many men, it’s nothing short of pure evil.

What exactly is hypergamy?

Hypergamy is the name given to the universal observation that women tend to “partner up”. At the very least, women will marry somebody who is even with them on the social hierarchy, but preferably somebody above them. Not always, of course… but more often than not. The female CEO of Acme company is probably not going to marry the janitor that cleans her office. Conversely, it’s not uncommon for the male boss of a company to marry his secretary. Again, it’s one of those things that we all kinda already knew, but never thought to put a name to it.

One interesting side note: This does not necessarily relate to short-term sexual partners. The female CEO of Acme may leave the company Christmas party with some hunky guy who works in the mailroom, but partnering and marrying the guy is most likely completely off the table.

This phenomenon seems like a “well, duh” thing to some of us, but to others, it is a real kick in the proverbial crotch. A lot of men have been sold on the Disney/Hollywood story of love and long-term marriage. Then these men lose their jobs and discover that in a surprisingly short amount of time, their wife was consulting with an attorney about divorce. While he is in the depths of despair, some of his more honest female family members and friends will say, “Well, yeah… women need that security. She’s scared. I can understand that.” The man is thinking, “Security? Scared?! What about our vows?! What about the family?!”

Hypergamy is such a touchy subject for a couple of reasons:
  1. It paints women in a not-so-good light. It makes them out to be… well… human. It shows that for long-term partnering, they require certain conditions. That sounds animalistic, if not robotic in nature to some of us.
  2. It makes men feel very uneasy. It paints marriage as some sort of “game” that has rules and regulations. We, as men, have to fall within certain parameters or the whole thing collapses.
It’s kinda like finding out that Santa doesn’t exist. “Wait… I don’t just write a letter and get the shit I want? Mom and dad have to WORK hard for this, save up money and BUY this stuff for me? If they don’t have a job, I may not get the stuff?!”

Yeah, welcome to the real world, kiddo.

It can be argued that we men have our own form of hypergamy… but society has done a very good job of keeping it under wraps or shaming it into submission. As men, we know that what we prefer in a mate can be summarized as follows: Young, pretty, and fertile. Everything we like, on a shallow “mating” basis, points to those three things. Ask any 40-something mom walking through the mall with her husband, and she’ll tell you about the countless times she has caught her man staring at those pretty young things prancing around… or the number of times she saw her husband’s internet browser history filled with Pornhub links with words like “teen”, “young”, and “college coeds”. Ask the founders of dating websites like OKCupid. Their data showed that while women mostly looked at male profiles that were close to their own age, men looked mostly at the accounts of 20-something women… regardless of the man’s own age.
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