I went through it. Every man I know who was cheated on and later divorced has gone through it. EVERY ONE.
The rabid sex stage. The “I will fuck anything that moves” stage. Right now divorced guys everywhere are reading this and saying “Hehe… yep.” We humans are such predictable animals.
It’s an interesting phenomenon. A man is betrayed in the worst way, and he of course goes through the normal five stages of grief:
Shoehorned in there somewhere between #2 and #3 is the “fuck like your life depends on it” phase. It’s as predictable as the new gym membership. I think guys do this for several reasons:
- Wanting to be literally “touched” again. It’s therapeutic. Most divorces and affairs are precipitated by months if not years of a dead bedroom experience. Cold spouses who don’t give you loving attention. You may have attempted to bargain or work your way into your spouse’s heart… only to be denied again and again or maybe rewarded with “Oh fine, if it will shut you up” sex. A new start with new women means that this biological need for human touch and affection can now be experienced again. Hooray! I remember the first time another woman other than my ex-wife touched me in a “more than friends” way. Wow. That was electric. The euphoria. Like I was lying in a warm bath after a 5 day hike. A lot of negativity melted away when the woman squeezed my arm and lovingly stroked my back. And the first kiss? Forget about it. I was in heaven.
- We love the chase. I think most men will agree that human touch and eventually sex are awesome and necessary… but there is something really great about the chase. Seeing a woman, saying “I want that” and going for it. Playing the mating game. The push and pull. Having several numbers on your phone and texting several women at once. Setting up back to back dates. This whole experience makes many guys feel electrified.
- Prove that you are a man. There are several things in a man’s life that can make you “feel like a man”, and none of them are more powerful than being wanted by attractive women. Taking it a step further, nothing puts you further up on the man pedestal than actually having sex with these attractive women. It’s a very innate “conquering” type of feeling that you get. I saw it, wanted it, got it. Earned it. RAAAR!! Let’s do it again.
Immediately after this stage comes the “Ew… what was I thinking?!” stage. Not all of these women will be of substantial caliber. They may look the part, but they end up being crazy… or even a few IQ points shy of being considered “special”. More baggage than O’Hare. If you come out of this phase relatively unscathed, you are really lucky. You could have caught a disease, been stalked, experienced major drama, hooked up unknowingly with a wife, got one of them pregnant…. the list goes on and on. You’re in a nutty stage in life and you are NOT looking out for red flags. You’re looking to get laid. This sets you up for a whole slew of bad experiences.
BE CAREFUL. Recognize what this time period is: a crucial and normal step towards rebuilding into the new you. It’s one dip in the roller coaster. There are many more to come.