"Should I Find Out For Sure If My Wife Had an Affair?"

Hey DSO,

Just finished Now What yesterday. I thought Dead Bedroom Fix was good, but this was even more of an eye-opener. Great stuff my man! Quick question, my wife and I are proceeding with divorce as she has no interest in reconciling which after listening to Now What that’s probably for the best as I have suspicions that she had some type of affair, emotional or physical I’m not yet sure. She’s been very good about discussing how we’ll handle the kids and splitting debt and assets and I’m in total agreement of what we’ve decided. However, I still have suspicions of the affair but have no hard proof. Is there any advantage to pursuing getting a PI to prove it or do I just let it go and move on? I’m in a good head space now even though this whole situation I still don’t understand but I don’t want to do anything to make it messier than it has to be.

D.

You find yourself in a common predicament. You don't have ALL the answers. You're like most guys and you would really like to know EXACTLY what is going on. My answer is simple:  move on.

Whether she had lots of sex with lots of men, or it was just an emotional connection to one man, the result is the same. It's over. She has disconnected from you and connected to another.

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference. To break the bonds that your wife has on you (a form of addiction), you have to let her go. No revenge. No investigating. No eavesdropping and snooping. It's over. You let her go. You shouldn't care what she has done or what she does moving forward. Pretend she's dead.

Whether your wife ends up married to a rich oil barron and drives a new Ferrari next week... or she ends up alone and fat with twelve cats... you are still you. You won't sleep better at night knowing all the details of the affair (or lack of affair) and you won't be a better man. That's your focus right now. Be a better man. That journey does not involve a wife who told you to get lost.

Good luck, my man.


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