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MEN: ARE YOU IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE? DIVORCED AND DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT NIGHTMARE AGAIN?
YOU’RE NOT ALONE.
THERE ARE A LOT OF MEN OUT THERE NOT HAPPY WITH THEIR SEX LIVES.
What is going on? Is the tried-and-true stereotype of the sexually frustrated husband and the cold, bossy wife inevitable? Are monogamous relationships doomed to such a pitiful state? Is that just the way marriage is supposed to be?
I DON’T THINK SO.
To make a long story short, several years ago I was married for 15 years, found out that my wife was cheating, quickly divorced and found myself newly single and sharing custody of three little kids. I then started a website at dadstartingover.com. After chatting with many men in my situation , I slowly started to notice patterns of behavior. Most men experienced long “Dead Bedroom” periods in their relationship prior to their divorce. Many of these men later discovered infidelity. It’s no coincidence that the two go hand-in-hand. The wife wanted intimacy, too. Just not with her husband.
I wrote about my thoughts on Dead Bedrooms on my website and it is by far the most popular topic to date. It has outranked all other topics combined. Then I started a podcast and recorded a few episodes. The Dead Bedrooms episode was the most downloaded.
Simply put, nobody seems to know what to do to keep the fire going in their long-term relationship. Most of us experience a “honeymoon phase” of intimacy, and then watch it quickly fade as the stress of life/kids and the boredom of familiarity settle in.
It honestly doesn’t have to be this way.
I don’t claim to have all the answers for a happy married sex life. What I do know is that my own experience (seven very happy and very satisfying years in my new relationship) and the experience of hundreds of other men have helped to create a prescription for what I feel is the only true, honest, no bullsh*t way to get your wife jumping your bones again. It works for me and for thousands of other men just like you.
I have finally put that prescription down on paper, and I call it The Dead Bedroom Fix.
My readers are fixers and they have tried everything under the sun to light a fire in their wife again. Some have already lost their marriage battle and don’t want to go down that awful road again. What they all tell me: The Dead Bedroom Fix is the best, no bullsh*t, no fluff, no nonsense guide to getting your SELF, and consequently, your sex life back on track.
It just works.
READER REVIEWS
Listen to a sample of the Audiobook version of The Dead Bedroom Fix
AN EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK “THE DEAD BEDROOM FIX”:
The “Dead Bedroom” is just what it sounds like: A monogamous romantic relationship with little to no sexual activity between the two partners.
For the purposes of this book and the intended audience, we will stick with the tried and true trope of the horny husband and the cold, disinterested wife. It’s a well-known cultural meme and has been for a long, long time.
“Marriage is a lot like prison, but without the sex.” – Anonymous
“Married sex is like being awake during your own autopsy. It is root canal work without anesthetic.” – Al Goldstein
“I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.” – Barry Humphries
These stereotypes don’t just fall from the sky. The dead bedroom happens, and it happens a lot.
You’ve seen this dynamic played out again and again on television and in the movies. You see it with your friends and their relationships. You probably saw it with your parents.
You think back on your childhood and remember yourself as a little boy, sitting at the dinner table on Thanksgiving Day. Dad is cutting the turkey and says something about the “juicy breast” and gives your mom a playful smile and wink. You weren’t quite sure what was going on, but his energy made you smile and laugh.
But then… your mom’s tone changes instantly. She gives him an angry look and says, “Seriously?” as she lets out a frustrated sigh and shoves another forkful of food in her face. Dad doesn’t take it well. He pouts the rest of the day and ignores everyone while watching football. The negativity in the house was palpable.
Fast forward to now and your relationship with your wife. You come home after a long day at the office. The commute was extra annoying and you just want to put your feet up and relax… but you can’t. You immediately tend to the kids, help with dinner, take out the trash, answer some work emails, help your son with homework, play tea time with your daughter and then help put everyone to bed. Finally, after 3 bed time stories, your job is done and it is time to relax.
You plop in bed next to your wife. She’s wearing sweat pants and a stained t-shirt. Not very sexy, but you’re a man and it’s been a while since you last had any kind of sexual release (beyond your usual porn/masturbation sessions). You make your typical sexy growl sound that you think is so funny, playfully squint your eyes, smile, and move your hand to her breast. She immediately grabs your hand and pushes it away.
“Seriously? Can you just give it a rest for one night?”
She turns off the light and rolls over.
You would be mad or confused if this was a new thing. Instead, you’re just sad. This is normal in your world and has been for a while. She says, “Give it a rest for one night”, but it’s been two months since you had any kind of intimacy. She holds the master key to your sex life and the door is locked. It has been locked for way too long.
As a son, husband and father, the message is clear:
The man is a horny, out-of-control bag of testosterone that needs to be put in his place. His energy must be redirected towards the more important tasks, like providing for the family and letting his wife get much-needed rest.
The woman is the cold, bossy and domineering presence in the home. She keeps things on track and must occasionally swat away at his attempts to bring sexuality into their world. “No! Bad dog!”
When dad veers off the assigned path, he must be punished and reminded of his role as provider. Mom will not hesitate to say or do something that will emasculate him and make him feel like a pervert. It’s not about hurting his feelings. It’s about stopping his annoying and inappropriate behavior.
As a result, dad will act like a baby for a while. He’ll eventually get over it and then the process starts all over again. Rinse and repeat.
Sound familiar?
Maybe your situation isn’t THIS bad, but you ARE reading this book right now which means one thing is certain: You sure aren’t happy with your sex life. This has GOT to change and the sooner the better.
AN EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK “THE DEAD BEDROOM FIX”:
The “Dead Bedroom” is just what it sounds like: A monogamous romantic relationship with little to no sexual activity between the two partners.
For the purposes of this book and the intended audience, we will stick with the tried and true trope of the horny husband and the cold, disinterested wife. It’s a well-known cultural meme and has been for a long, long time.
“Marriage is a lot like prison, but without the sex.” – Anonymous
“Married sex is like being awake during your own autopsy. It is root canal work without anesthetic.” – Al Goldstein
“I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.” – Barry Humphries
These stereotypes don’t just fall from the sky. The dead bedroom happens, and it happens a lot.
You’ve seen this dynamic played out again and again on television and in the movies. You see it with your friends and their relationships. You probably saw it with your parents.
You think back on your childhood and remember yourself as a little boy, sitting at the dinner table on Thanksgiving Day. Dad is cutting the turkey and says something about the “juicy breast” and gives your mom a playful smile and wink. You weren’t quite sure what was going on, but his energy made you smile and laugh.
But then… your mom’s tone changes instantly. She gives him an angry look and says, “Seriously?” as she lets out a frustrated sigh and shoves another forkful of food in her face. Dad doesn’t take it well. He pouts the rest of the day and ignores everyone while watching football. The negativity in the house was palpable.
Fast forward to now and your relationship with your wife. You come home after a long day at the office. The commute was extra annoying and you just want to put your feet up and relax… but you can’t. You immediately tend to the kids, help with dinner, take out the trash, answer some work emails, help your son with homework, play tea time with your daughter and then help put everyone to bed. Finally, after 3 bed time stories, your job is done and it is time to relax.
You plop in bed next to your wife. She’s wearing sweat pants and a stained t-shirt. Not very sexy, but you’re a man and it’s been a while since you last had any kind of sexual release (beyond your usual porn/masturbation sessions). You make your typical sexy growl sound that you think is so funny, playfully squint your eyes, smile, and move your hand to her breast. She immediately grabs your hand and pushes it away.
“Seriously? Can you just give it a rest for one night?”
She turns off the light and rolls over.
You would be mad or confused if this was a new thing. Instead, you’re just sad. This is normal in your world and has been for a while. She says, “Give it a rest for one night”, but it’s been two months since you had any kind of intimacy. She holds the master key to your sex life and the door is locked. It has been locked for way too long.
As a son, husband and father, the message is clear:
The man is a horny, out-of-control bag of testosterone that needs to be put in his place. His energy must be redirected towards the more important tasks, like providing for the family and letting his wife get much-needed rest.
The woman is the cold, bossy and domineering presence in the home. She keeps things on track and must occasionally swat away at his attempts to bring sexuality into their world. “No! Bad dog!”
When dad veers off the assigned path, he must be punished and reminded of his role as provider. Mom will not hesitate to say or do something that will emasculate him and make him feel like a pervert. It’s not about hurting his feelings. It’s about stopping his annoying and inappropriate behavior.
As a result, dad will act like a baby for a while. He’ll eventually get over it and then the process starts all over again. Rinse and repeat.
Sound familiar?
Maybe your situation isn’t THIS bad, but you ARE reading this book right now which means one thing is certain: You sure aren’t happy with your sex life. This has GOT to change and the sooner the better.
READER EMAILS
“I bought your book today and read it…today. every word. Really spoke to me. Very genuine voice. I see myself in several of the mistakes, but I instinctively been doing some of the fixes too. Working out, coaching, playing baseball, writing. You’re right, it all increased drama and caused me to want to quit. Your book tells me the drama is the indicator that I might be making some positive steps. Gotta tune down the provider a bit though. I’m Mr Nice Guy and accept a ration of sh*t. The disdain you mention really hits home. Long story short, I love the book, gave me some great practical advice and I’ll be making some changes. Thanks brother!” – Joel
“Holy Sh*t!! Unbelievable! I would say you were a fly on the wall in my house the past 15 yrs and then proceeded to write about it. This stuff IS me and Now soon to be WAS me. I am not going another day like this. Started reading Sunday night and finished last night. Seriously, thought I secretly wrote this whole thing in my sleep. Its time to put the pants back on and become the Lover I was! This hit way to close to home. But was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank You.” – Nathan
“Wow, just wow!! I downloaded today, worked 10 hours and couldn’t stop reading your book. I finished it today! I can’t believe how you hot the nail on the head so many times!!!” – Rick
“I just finished The Dead Bedroom Fix and I feel like you have been following my wife and I around with a camera and microphone. You made me aware of everything I have been doing wrong. Thank you!” – Shawn
“I binge read your book and it makes so much sense. So many points hit the nail on the head and I can relate to so much. You have a great way with words so keep keeping it real.” – Mark
“Just got the audio version of “The Dead Bedroom Fix.” The book does not break any new ground with the core concepts, but it explains them in a way that brings everything together better than anything else I’ve read. The book is well-narrated. It’s almost like advice given by a wise friend over a few beers or being tutored by a fellow student who makes all of the textbook and classroom learning finally click. DSO pretty much describes my life to a “T”, except my kids are grown now. Get the “Dead Bedroom Fix” audio book. Costs as much as a couple of beers at a bar and does much more for your overall health…if you do the work.” – Jim
“I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist. A client of mine who struggled with a lack of intimacy in his marriage shared your book with me. I have to say that I don’t agree with it 100%, but the overall theme is correct. Too much talking, negotiating and rationalizing will get you nowhere when it comes to reigniting your wife’s libido in your marriage. What you have outlined is what every therapist should recommend. I’m going to suggest your book to my other male clients looking for help with their sexless marriage.” – MFT
“O…M…G… I am quite literally blown away! How unbelievably accurate a reflection of my current existence this is. I realise now that I jumped head first into the ‘Provider’ hole! Thank you for turning a light bulb on for me and showing me a different path – because I really was feeling that I was flogging a dead horse on the one I was on – so obvious to me why now! Brilliantly written, by a bloke for blokes. I laughed, a lot, but it also made me want to cry because it’s SO TRUE! Thank you for the inspiration” – Andrew
The Dead Bedroom Fix helped me accept some hard truths after 10 years of trying everything else and failing miserably. It isn’t PC, it isn’t eloquent, but it’s honest.” – Mark
“I’m 48, married with 4 kids. What brought me here is I’ve tried everything else under the sun for the last 10 years. Pick a subject from the book that a person can do wrong: And I did it. Vacations, Talks and more talks, counseling, honestly some real cringe-worthy stuff. I’ve read every book under the sun about the subject of dead bedrooms. Having a background in counseling made me believe that I could find a way to fix the issues. Instead I just got angry, depressed, rinse, repeat. I really thought that either A) I was broken and something was wrong with me or B) this is just the way it is and i’ll have another shot in another life. I was bottoming out when two things happened around the same time. 1) Our Church had a session on sex in the marriage and how often you should be having sex. I realized that I”m not the broken one. 2) I read the book by DSO about Dead Bedrooms.
Since reading the book about 5 or 6 weeks ago (I’ve read it 4 times now), I’ve dropped 20lbs, have been lifting 5 to 6 days a week and have been trying to live each day like I’m single. By this, I mean being aware of how I look, how I act and how I behave and doing nothing out of approval from my wife. I let that sh*t go. We’ve had sex 7 or 8 times in the last 4 weeks. That isn’t great, but it’s up from the 3 or 4 times a year.” – Mark
“Stumbled across your book ‘The Dead Bedroom Fix’ somehow, downloaded it and got reading. It’s almost as if you’ve been spying on me! You basically described all of the behaviors I’ve been exhibiting – being clingy, buying gifts, being passive, basically letting my wife know that she is the focus of my world and my reason for living. And while there’s nothing wrong with this, your book has helped me realize that these are the reasons our bedroom life has slowly become a little dull over time, and my efforts to re-ignite them by doing more of this stuff is doing the opposite.
I’m just so glad to have found this book and advice, because whilst I would still class our relationship as very strong and our commitment to each other is quite high, the ‘dead bedroom’ syndrome could/would have caused problems in the future.
I’ll be listening to your podcast and will pass on more feedback as I implement more of the tools and strategies you outline. Thanks again!” – JD
“Damn! Seriously though, your book is absolutely perfect! It speaks of experience, confidence, and knowledge. It’s like you have a window straight into our relationship. Sooo good. I read it cover to cover over the last two days and I absolutely had to reach out to you and say thank you from the bottom of my heart for the immediate clarity I got. It makes so much sense.” – Nick
“I just read your book in a day. In fact, I’ve read back over parts of it 2 or 3 times. I know you must get these emails all the time, but I am blown away. First off I thought this might be a scam. I was so grateful to get a PDF. The book itself could very well be life-changing. I will leave it at, thank you, truly. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate what you have done. I will move forward with your suggestions and I will check back in.” – Jake
“Thanks for your insightful audiobook. I found it to be enlightening to say the very least. Keep up the great work.” – Luke