Here's a breakdown of what you will find in "The Dead Bedroom Fix"

Who This Book is For

This book was written for heterosexual men in long-term monogamous relationships who want more sex.

Before We Get Started

Let’s get some important things out of the way...

My Story

I’m a 40-something divorced dad of three kids. I care for my kids four days a week...

Yes, I Married Again

So, what’s different this time around? Anything? Oooooh yeah, it’s different, alright.

Chapter 1: What is a Dead Bedroom?

The “Dead Bedroom” is just what it sounds like: A monogamous romantic relationship with little to no sexual activity between the two partners.

Chapter 2: The Common Mistakes

We all know the tried-and-true stereotype of the nervous guy showing up to the first date with flowers...

Chapter 3: "NICE GUYS" Finish Last

The Five Mistakes All Have One Thing in Common. Their methods and expected outcomes are not grounded in reality.

Chapter 4: Be Her Lover

...when we finally land a woman and marry her, the universal understanding is that you must now flip the scales in favor of Provider mode.

Chapter 5: "This is Manipulation!"

If you ever find yourself talking about how to be a better man, or more specifically, how to be more successful with women, you will probably hear something like the following: “That’s manipulation. You’re being fake.”

Chapter 6: "Holy Sh*t. It Worked."

It took months of difficult changes on your part… but you finally did it.

Chapter 7: It Didn't Work

I’m Not Going to Bullshit You. All Your Hard Work May Not Result in Sex from Your Wife.

Frequently Asked Questions

After writing the first edition of The Dead Bedroom Fix, I receive A LOT of emails from readers. Here are a few of the most common ones

Reader Stories

I thought I would share some of the stories from readers of the first edition of The Dead Bedroom Fix. Do you have your own story to share?

MEN: Are you in a dead bedroom? Divorced and don't want to go through that nightmare again?


There are A LOT of men out there not happy with the level of intimacy in their marriage.

What is going on? Is the tried-and-true stereotype of the frustrated husband and the cold, bossy wife inevitable? Are monogamous relationships doomed to such a pitiful state? Is that just the way marriage is supposed to be?


To make a long story short, several years ago I was married for 15 years, found out that my wife was cheating, quickly divorced, and found myself newly single and sharing custody of three little kids. I then started a website at After chatting with many men in my situation, I slowly started to notice patterns of behavior. Most men experienced long “Dead Bedroom” periods in their relationship prior to their divorce. Many of these men later discovered infidelity. It’s no coincidence that the two go hand-in-hand. The wife wanted intimacy, too. Just not with her husband.

I wrote about my thoughts on Dead Bedrooms on my website and it is by far the most popular topic to date. It has outranked all other topics combined. I have since started a podcast. The Dead Bedroom episodes are the most downloaded.

Yes, it’s a popular topic.

Simply put, nobody seems to know what to do to keep the fire going in their long-term relationship. Most of us experience a “honeymoon phase” of intimacy, and then watch it quickly fade as the stress of life/kids and the boredom of familiarity settle in.

It honestly doesn’t have to be this way.

I don’t claim to have all the answers for a happy married life. What I do know is that my own experience (eight very happy and very satisfying years in my new relationship) and the experience of hundreds of other men I have interviewed have helped to create a prescription for what I feel is the only true, honest, no bullsh*t way to get your wife jumping your bones again. It works for me and for thousands of other men just like you.

I have finally put that prescription down on paper, and I call it The Dead Bedroom Fix.

My readers are fixers and they have tried everything under the sun to light a fire in their wife again. Some have already lost their marriage battle and don’t want to go down that awful road again. What they all tell me: The Dead Bedroom Fix is the best, no bullsh*t, no fluff, no nonsense guide to getting your SELF, and consequently, your love life back on track.

It just works.

About the author

Ralph (DSO)

Hello, you may know me as “DSO”, the founder of Dad Starting Over and the DSO Fraternity. I’m 47, married for the second time, and father of four kids. I learned a lot from my failed first marriage, my wonderful second marriage, and from the thousands of men I communicate with in coaching sessions and online in our DSO Fraternity discussion groups. This book, “The Dead Bedroom Fix” is a culmination of the knowledge that has been passed down to me over the years. I hope you learn a great deal from it. Please let me know what you think!

Ralph - DSO

Book reviews

Came across this book on facebook after spending a heap of time and money looking for answers to my marriage/ intimacy issues for a couple of years without any change. The title and front cover hits you right where it hurts cause it's honest, raw and real.

I bought the audio version and listened to it in a couple of days at work and driving. 

As many men say, it's sounds like it was written about me....

It is full of hard hitting truths about exactly what I have been doing wrong for my entire relationship and even some of the previous bad relationships too.

I started implementing some of the changes as recommended and I could literally see the difference within a couple of weeks.

I have listened to the book again several times since then over the last 12 months and am still a massive work in progress but I know with this book, DSO, the private facebook group (and now website) and also the amazing bunch of men within this community I am well on my way to being the best version of me that the wife desires and wants.

Thank you DSO, the coaches and all the men in the community for taking me on a ride of enjoyment and learning over the last 12 months.

Chris Cooke

I stumbled upon this book after weeks of forced/sympathy sex with my husband. We actually have consistent, often enjoyable sex, but obviously not as much as he'd like. He does the 4 steps: lay down, over sex touch, say how much he loves me, boom...asks for sex. Such a turn off. There were some harsh truths in this book for me, but damn it, I wish my husband would stumble upon it too. Great read, even for wives who need to hear the truth.

Terri Mays

Dead Bedroom!!

Firstly like many other have stated I wish I had found it years ago as I struggled through things in my relationship thinking I wasn't enough and thinking I was the only one with similar struggles. I listened to the audio book format which personally was good as the author presents it in a straight no bullshit approach which definitely hit home to me.

In regards to progress post the book,  in less than 2 months I have regained the leading direction of my relationship, personal confidence and lost 18kgs. (That inspiration alone is worth reading the book!) Overall feeling much better physically and a more positive outlook on life. I would reccomend the book to any man, dead bedroom or not as the concept/principals raised aren't commonly taught as young men and society has done a good job of squashing the positive attributes stepping up can offer. Well done again to DSO on a great publication that has truly been a life saver for me!


I’m over 40 and married for nearly 20 years. I wish someone had given me this book as a wedding present.

The author presents recognisable situations, thoughts and actions I’m sure many of us can relate to. We “husbands” try our best and get it thrown back at us, left wondering where did I go wrong.

Our wives don’t want a nice guy/good dad and husband they want a strong, confident lover. This book gives a simple map to that destination that will not only improve your marriage but also improve you for your benefit and those around you - I highly recommend this book, even if you don’t think you need it you probably do....good luck.


Absolutely fantastic. Opens your eyes to so many things you do which are actually self-sabotage. Even if you choose not to agree with everything said, you will come out the other side with a new view on life! Highly recommended!

Calvin Herridge

This book actually helped me identify some things I was drastically doing wrong in my relationship. Thank you. I’m excited to try out the guidance!

Joshua C.

I wish someone would have given me this 10 years ago, would have completely changed my marriage.


You are not special.

Your situation is not unique. DSO has described the mechanisms occurring in thousands of marriages that crest dead bedrooms.

I laughed out loud through the entire audiobook as DSO described my entire marriage. This book is the hard truth.

Miley K.

I can't say enough good things

This is a life-changing book and a must read for any married man. If you are married is healthy stable with an awesome sex life or if your marriage is struggling and hanging on its last thread. either way, this book is a must read for any married man. our wives do not want a wimp as a husband. while listening to this book I asked myself a question: If my wife were single would she find me attractive? In some ways I know that she would but not attractive in the way that she did when she was dating me. What this book taught me was that I still have to be that man. I have to play the role of a man who is worthy of that love and affection.

sitting around, gaining weight, farting and burping, stuff needs to be done around the house but I'm not doing it...reminding her when I do the laundry or when I do the dishes as if I'm expecting some brownie points. no no no. none of that anymore. when I do the dishes, when I mow the lawn, when I do the laundry, when I clean the garage, I don't mention any of it to her. It's for me. I'm doing it for me because I'm the one improving. It's amazing how this book has ripped through the veneer and the lie that I've been telling myself for the last 20 years in just 3 hours.

Audiobook Addict

Loved the book. Have listened to it three times. The 5 mistakes outlined in the book is very eye opening and helpful in trying to figure out what is going on in ones relationship.

John E. Potts III

I've read many interesting, inspiring and eye opener books. This one was different, I started over reading as soon as I finished it - twice. You understand the problem (yourself) and the book gives clear steps on how to fix it. I'm in the early stages but I know it's the right path.


DSO definitely spoke the truth, and came with logical (primal) solutions. The modern man has definitely lost he hunter provider and protector mentality. And when I say protector I don’t mean bodyguard. But the one who makes them feel safe because your capable of love with strength and guidance. Loved the .... out of the book. Eye opening. !!!


DSO nails it when explaining why our wives cut us off in the bedroom. His lessons aren’t so close to home for me, I had to wonder if he was living invisibly in our guest room the past five years!

Not only a terrifically informative and accurate handbook, Dead Bedroom Fix is highly motivational. I only just finished reading, but I’m eager as hell to get to work on everything DSO spells out to try and get my marriage out of the toilet and back in the bedroom.

Thanks for this magical tome DSO - fingers crossed.

Eric Hendrix

Reviva La Cama Muerta
Available in Spanish!
Le remede contre la chambre morte
Now in French, too!