The Dead Bedroom Fix




What is going on? Is the tried-and-true stereotype of the undersexed husband and the cold, bossy wife inevitable? Are monogamous relationships doomed to such a pitiful state? Is that just the way marriage is?


To make a long story short, several years ago I was married for 15 years, discovered infidelity, quickly divorced and found myself newly single and sharing custody of three little kids. I then started a website at After chatting with many men in my situation , I slowly started to notice patterns of behavior. Most men experienced long “Dead Bedroom” periods in their relationship prior to their divorce. Many of these men later discovered infidelity.

I wrote about my thoughts on Dead Bedrooms on my website and it is by far the most popular topic to date. It has outranked all other topics combined. Then I started a podcast and recorded a few episodes. The Dead Bedrooms episode was the most downloaded.

Simply put, nobody seems to know what to do to keep the fire going in their long-term relationship. Most of us experience a “honeymoon phase” of intimacy, and then watch it quickly fade as the stress of life and the boredom of familiarity settle in.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

I don’t claim to have all the answers for a happy married sex life. What I do know is that my own experience and the experience of hundreds of other men have helped to create a prescription for what I feel is the only true, honest, no bullshit way to get your wife jumping your bones again.

I have finally put that prescription down on paper, and I call it The Dead Bedroom Fix. 

My readers are fixers and they have tried everything under the sun to light a fire in their wife again. Some have already lost their marriage battle and don’t want to go down that awful road again. What they all tell me: The Dead Bedroom Fix is the best, no bullshit, no fluff, no nonsense guide to getting your SELF, and consequently, your sex life back on track. 

It works.


The “Dead Bedroom” is just what it sounds like: A monogamous romantic relationship with little to no sexual activity between the two partners.

For the purposes of this book and the intended audience, we will stick with the tried and true trope of the horny husband and the cold, disinterested wife. It’s a well-known cultural meme and has been for a long, long time.

“Marriage is a lot like prison, but without the sex.” – Anonymous
“Married sex is like being awake during your own autopsy. It is root canal work without anesthetic.” – Al Goldstein
“I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.” – Barry Humphries

These stereotypes don’t just fall from the sky. The dead bedroom happens, and it happens a lot.

You’ve seen this dynamic played out again and again on television and in the movies. You see it with your friends and their relationships. You probably saw it with your parents.

You think back on your childhood and remember yourself as a little boy, sitting at the dinner table on Thanksgiving Day. Dad is cutting the turkey and says something about the “juicy breast” and gives your mom a playful smile and wink. You weren’t quite sure what was going on, but his energy made you smile and laugh.

But then… your mom’s tone changes instantly. She gives him an angry look and says, “Seriously?” as she lets out a frustrated sigh and shoves another forkful of food in her face. Dad doesn’t take it well. He pouts the rest of the day and ignores everyone while watching football. The negativity in the house was palpable.

Fast forward to now and your relationship with your wife. You come home after a long day at the office. The commute was extra annoying and you just want to put your feet up and relax… but you can’t. You immediately tend to the kids, help with dinner, take out the trash, answer some work emails, help your son with homework, play tea time with your daughter and then help put everyone to bed. Finally, after 3 bed time stories, your job is done and it is time to relax.

You plop in bed next to your wife. She’s wearing sweat pants and a stained t-shirt. Not very sexy, but you’re a man and it’s been a while since you last had any kind of sexual release (beyond your usual porn/masturbation sessions). You make your typical sexy growl sound that you think is so funny, playfully squint your eyes, smile, and move your hand to her breast. She immediately grabs your hand and pushes it away.

“Seriously? Can you just give it a rest for one night?”

She turns off the light and rolls over.

You would be mad or confused if this was a new thing. Instead, you’re just sad. This is normal in your world and has been for a while. She says, “Give it a rest for one night”, but it’s been two months since you had any kind of intimacy. She holds the master key to your sex life and the door is locked. It has been locked for way too long.

As a son, husband and father, the message is clear:

The man is a horny, out-of-control bag of testosterone that needs to be put in his place. His energy must be redirected towards the more important tasks, like providing for the family and letting his wife get much-needed rest.

The woman is the cold, bossy and domineering presence in the home. She keeps things on track and must occasionally swat away at his attempts to bring sexuality into their world. “No! Bad dog!”

When dad veers off the assigned path, he must be punished and reminded of his role as provider. Mom will not hesitate to say or do something that will emasculate him and make him feel like a pervert. It’s not about hurting his feelings. It’s about stopping his annoying and inappropriate behavior.

As a result, dad will act like a baby for a while. He’ll eventually get over it and then the process starts all over again. Rinse and repeat.

Sound familiar?

Maybe your situation isn’t THIS bad, but you ARE reading this book right now which means one thing is certain: You sure aren’t happy with your sex life. This has GOT to change and the sooner the better.

I’m 48, married with 4 kids. What brought me here is I’ve tried everything else under the sun for the last 10 years. Pick a subject from the book that a person can do wrong: And I did it. Vacations, Talks and more talks, counseling, honestly some real cringe worthy stuff. I’ve read every book under the sun about the subject of dead bedrooms. Having a background in counseling made me believe that I could find a way to fix the issues. Instead I just got angry, depressed, rinse, repeat. I really thought that either A) I was broken and something was wrong with me or B) this is just the way it is and i’ll have another shot in another life. I was bottoming out when two things happened around the same time. 1) Our Church had a session on sex in the marriage and how often you should be having sex. I realized that I”m not the broken one. 2) I read the book by DSO about Dead Bedrooms.

Since reading the book about 5 or 6 weeks ago (I’ve read it 4 times now), I’ve dropped 20lbs, have been lifting 5 to 6 days a week and have been trying to live each day like I’m single. By this I mean being aware of how I look, how I act and how I behave and doing nothing out of approval from my wife. I let that shit go. We’ve had sex 7 or 8 times in the last 4 weeks. That isn’t great, but its up from the 3 or 4 times a year. 

The Dead Bedroom Fix helped me accept some hard truths after 10 years of trying everything else and failing miserably. It isn’t PC, it isn’t eloquent, but it’s honest.


I’m 54 years old and on my third marriage. Third time is the charm! That’s what I told myself. First two marriages ended in No Sex Land. I got angry and eventually divorced both of them. Both women couldn’t believe that I would divorce over something stupid like sex. I was told I just have a very high sex drive. I think I’m normal and shouldn’t have to pay for everything and not even be able to sleep with my own damn wife.

Third wife was the best sex I ever had in my entire life. She’s 20 years younger than me. No kids. Doesn’t want them. Has a great job. No stress. Everything is great. Then last year I started getting the excuses again. She just doesn’t feel like it. Weeks went by. I couldn’t believe I did it all over again. 

I found your book. Thank god. Everything makes sense now. Seriously I owe you a beer. I’m back to the way we were before and I couldn’t be happier. She’s way happier too. Thank you.


Where were you 20 years ago? Every husband should read this. Today. Seriously. They should hand this out at weddings.


I hope your site and the book go viral. It’s by far the most helpful info for a guy in my situation. Anybody who has a crappy sex life or their wife cheated on them or they are divorced should buy the book and read every post. Thanks for what you do!


Your book is really good for going back to the basics and doing what I should’ve done all along. I wasted a lot of years doing on all the wrong stuff and it got me nowhere. All I have to show for it is an angry wife and a porn addiction. I started doing what you said and in 6 weeks things changed. We had sex twice in one day! We haven’t done that since before the kids were born. I’ll make sure I pass this book along to my son.


You’ve been a huge help to me. I hope more guys read your site and you sell a million of these books. Thanks for everything you do.


You’re a great dude and were a big help when I was going through all my problems with my wife. I can’t thank you enough.


I bought your book and it’s probably the most honest I’ve read on the topic so far. It’s not the most feel good book, but I started doing some of the things you mention and I already see results. I wasted a lot of money on other books and therapy and your book just told me what I already knew but didn’t want to admit. Thank you!


My brother shot me your book. He was tired of hearing me complain too many times about my marriage. He told me that it wasn’t normal for my wife to shoot me down for months at a time. He’s single, so I never really took what he said seriously. He’s never been married. I got the book and read it all in one sitting. It’s the wakeup call I needed. I was really close to having an affair and then divorcing my wife. It got to the point where I didn’t care what she thought and I wanted to hurt her like she hurt me. Instead I tried everything you said in your book. In about a month and a half she said she wanted sex. She ever did that before ever. She did that three days in a row. I started slipping and going back to my old ways. She got pissed off and cut off sex again. I realized what I did and went back to the new me. Now we’re back to having sex. We do it around 5 times a week now. We didn’t do that when we dated.

This shit works. Thanks for giving me my marriage back.


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