MEN: ARE YOU IN A SEXLESS MARRIAGE? DIVORCED AND DON’T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT NIGHTMARE AGAIN?
YOU’RE NOT ALONE.
THERE ARE A LOT OF MEN OUT THERE NOT HAPPY WITH THEIR SEX LIVES.
What is going on? Is the tried-and-true stereotype of the undersexed husband and the cold, bossy wife inevitable? Are monogamous relationships doomed to such a pitiful state? Is that just the way marriage is?
I DON’T THINK SO.
To make a long story short, several years ago I was married for 15 years, discovered infidelity, quickly divorced and found myself newly single and sharing custody of three little kids. I then started a website at www.dadstartingover.com. After chatting with many men in my situation , I slowly started to notice patterns of behavior. Most men experienced long “Dead Bedroom” periods in their relationship prior to their divorce. Many of these men later discovered infidelity.
I wrote about my thoughts on Dead Bedrooms on my website and it is by far the most popular topic to date. It has outranked all other topics combined. Then I started a podcast and recorded a few episodes. The Dead Bedrooms episode was the most downloaded.
Simply put, nobody seems to know what to do to keep the fire going in their long-term relationship. Most of us experience a “honeymoon phase” of intimacy, and then watch it quickly fade as the stress of life and the boredom of familiarity settle in.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
I don’t claim to have all the answers for a happy married sex life. What I do know is that my own experience and the experience of hundreds of other men have helped to create a prescription for what I feel is the only true, honest, no bullshit way to get your wife jumping your bones again.
I have finally put that prescription down on paper, and I call it The Dead Bedroom Fix.
AN EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK “THE DEAD BEDROOM FIX”:
The “Dead Bedroom” is just what it sounds like: A monogamous romantic relationship with little to no sexual activity between the two partners.
For the purposes of this book and the intended audience, we will stick with the tried and true trope of the horny husband and the cold, disinterested wife. It’s a well-known cultural meme and has been for a long, long time.
“Marriage is a lot like prison, but without the sex.” – Anonymous
“Married sex is like being awake during your own autopsy. It is root canal work without anesthetic.” – Al Goldstein
“I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.” – Barry Humphries
These stereotypes don’t just fall from the sky. The dead bedroom happens, and it happens a lot.
You’ve seen this dynamic played out again and again on television and in the movies. You see it with your friends and their relationships. You probably saw it with your parents.
You think back on your childhood and remember yourself as a little boy, sitting at the dinner table on Thanksgiving Day. Dad is cutting the turkey and says something about the “juicy breast” and gives your mom a playful smile and wink. You weren’t quite sure what was going on, but his energy made you smile and laugh.
But then… your mom’s tone changes instantly. She gives him an angry look and says, “Seriously?” as she lets out a frustrated sigh and shoves another forkful of food in her face. Dad doesn’t take it well. He pouts the rest of the day and ignores everyone while watching football. The negativity in the house was palpable.
Fast forward to now and your relationship with your wife. You come home after a long day at the office. The commute was extra annoying and you just want to put your feet up and relax… but you can’t. You immediately tend to the kids, help with dinner, take out the trash, answer some work emails, help your son with homework, play tea time with your daughter and then help put everyone to bed. Finally, after 3 bed time stories, your job is done and it is time to relax.
You plop in bed next to your wife. She’s wearing sweat pants and a stained t-shirt. Not very sexy, but you’re a man and it’s been a while since you last had any kind of sexual release (beyond your usual porn/masturbation sessions). You make your typical sexy growl sound that you think is so funny, playfully squint your eyes, smile, and move your hand to her breast. She immediately grabs your hand and pushes it away.
“Seriously? Can you just give it a rest for one night?”
She turns off the light and rolls over.
You would be mad or confused if this was a new thing. Instead, you’re just sad. This is normal in your world and has been for a while. She says, “Give it a rest for one night”, but it’s been two months since you had any kind of intimacy. She holds the master key to your sex life and the door is locked. It has been locked for way too long.
As a son, husband and father, the message is clear:
The man is a horny, out-of-control bag of testosterone that needs to be put in his place. His energy must be redirected towards the more important tasks, like providing for the family and letting his wife get much-needed rest.
The woman is the cold, bossy and domineering presence in the home. She keeps things on track and must occasionally swat away at his attempts to bring sexuality into their world. “No! Bad dog!”
When dad veers off the assigned path, he must be punished and reminded of his role as provider. Mom will not hesitate to say or do something that will emasculate him and make him feel like a pervert. It’s not about hurting his feelings. It’s about stopping his annoying and inappropriate behavior.
As a result, dad will act like a baby for a while. He’ll eventually get over it and then the process starts all over again. Rinse and repeat.
Maybe your situation isn’t THIS bad, but you ARE reading this book right now which means one thing is certain: You sure aren’t happy with your sex life. This has GOT to change and the sooner the better.