She will be into you. REALLY into you. She will shower you with praise. She will instantly recognize what buttons to push to make you a slobbering in-love doofus, and she will push those buttons with gusto. Repeatedly.
She will be sexual. Very sexual. Nothing is off the table. Even THAT thing? Yes, even that. Well… what about this other thing? Yep. If you can dream it up, she’ll probably do it. “THIS is what a relationship should be like!” you say to yourself after your fourth orgasm of the day.
She will mold herself to be in your image. Suddenly she likes your favorite sports team. She buys tickets to that concert for your favorite band. She wants to go to the gym with you. She wants to do whatever the hell you want to do, and she enjoys every minute of it.
The first red flag will be ignored. It’s just one little silly thing… besides… she’s absolutely amazing in every other way (especially the sex part).
Subsequent red flags can’t be ignored. They come fast and furious. The familiarity and comfort of your relationship is setting in, and that’s when her unhealthy behavior really bubbles to the surface. She won’t say it, but she very much prefers the chaos and uncertainty of the initial dating phase. Being committed and comfortable with one person is upsetting to her. After all, she came from a world of chaos. Dad left when she was young. Mom was a narcissist who jumped from man to man. She, as a young girl, was an afterthought in the world of two crazy selfish adults.
You start to lose your attraction to her. The craziness is suffocating all of the other good stuff she brings to the relationship. She feels you pulling away. That’s when she reverts back to the porno phase… but this time with even more gusto. She suggests sexual acts that even the horniest of pubertal boys would blush at. “Wow… really? You’re up for THAT?!” You’re hooked again. This woman knows how to manipulate men, after all. She’s done it dozens of times before.
The crazy comes out again. This time her behavior goes into the truly toxic world of substance abuse, lying, cheating, etc. Everyone is telling you to run away. You finally get up the courage to walk away from the intense validation and sexuality of the relationship… and she pulls out her other trump card: She hurts herself. She swallows some pills. You end up in the hospital with her as she recovers from the failed suicide attempt. She apologizes. She’s just a very broken little girl. She’s so lucky to have somebody good like you in her life. Her savior. Her knight in shining armor. You’re hooked again. She knows exactly what she’s doing. She knows how to push your codependent buttons.
The cycle repeats itself.
Sounds familiar? Run. Run as far and as fast as you can. Don’t look back. Once you are away from this woman, ask yourself the big question: “Why did I allow this person into my life and why didn’t I leave them sooner?” If you’re honest and truly introspective, this will be the toughest but most fruitful work of your life. You just have to make that all-important first step.